The Money
The biggest excuse. Maybe "excuse" is the wrong word. Perhaps I should say "the biggest legitimate concern." It's not easy just to walk away from paying clients for the uncertainty of entrepreneurship. Even worse is the possibility that there is not a clearly defined market for the things you would like to make. I won't even bother discussing the hurdles for those interested in pursuing some sort of as-of-yet-unexplored-holy-grail art+design hybrid.

The Time
Here's the rub. When I started picking up more freelance work I always thought about it as a way to eventually finance my more personal design projects. Somewhere in the past couple of years it feels more and more like the means to an end has become the end itself. Don't get me wrong—I love the client work I do. This work keeps me sharp and makes me feel like I am doing something "real". Perhaps most important is that it provides deadlines that are essential to maximizing my productivity.

The Balance
I don't think I will ever leave the client-based sector entirely. I don't want to—the challenges are ever-changing, the pay is good, and I simply love designing and problem solving. If I went all out into personal work I would likely burn out quickly. I also fear that making a business out of my personal interests would make them lose that special something that makes them appealing to me know. 

It's all about balance. I know that the day will come (hopefully sooner than later) that I will slow down the freelance and start to balance my personal/professional design scale. When I strike this balance it will allow me to have the best of both worlds without being consumed by either. Teaching will pay the bills, freelance will pay for personal work, and personal work will enrich every aspect of my life as a designer/husband/teacher/peer.

I am not quite sure what I would be doing for my personal work, but I have plenty of nagging thoughts. My wife and some friends have talked about starting a greeting card business. I have thought about submitting some of my experimental poster/interactive work to juried exhibitions. We have considered traveling to the south of France and developing a contemporary typeface based on the distinct letterforms of my ancestors. The list is eclectic indeed and priorities shift from week to week.

The Question
So what would you do to balance your personal/professional creative scale?

If you had more time, more money, fewer, better clients what would you do? It doesn't even have to do with design but creativity in general. Perhaps by sharing our secret creative/entrepreneurial daydreams we can start down the road to accomplishment.

Not that anyone cares, but were I to stop design-related client work, I would be tempted to go work for a really good chef...

But in the real world, I am not so sure I could ever stop designing - although I feel quite confident I could stop designing for paying clients.

Great post. Has been on my mind a lot lately about the means to an end becoming an end in and of itself. I'd spend more time with my kids, figuring out ways to help them grow creatively. More time encouraging people to pursue what they were created to do. I'd start a gallery/school/center/something practical for visual artists to explore design and how it can touch the heart in a lasting way, with or without clients. I'd watch a lot more Alabama football too!

paul,

you should talk to some of the chefs working in chattanooga and see if you can spend a week working under their tutelage… may be pretty cool. just don't quit the design business... widgets&stone has major potential to be a prototype for bridging the gap between personal, creative, and professional work.

frank,

the school/center idea is wonderful. i am a visiting assistant professor for my "day job" because mentorship is one of the most important things to me. i would love to start a little practical "service-learning" (buzzword in academia as of late) mentor program at the university here. it is something i have spoken to paul about in the past and hopefully it will come to fruition with the right people involved.

I used to think like you, Anonynmous. But after 3 years of sole proprieter freelance and 7 years of start-up companies I've realized something disturbing. There is no holy grail.

I've made my current job and it's hard. In fact, it's the hardest job I've ever had and it's my fault. I design, I talke strategy to executive VPs, I make whatever the hell I want. I've even published a book like I've never seen before and made music soundtracks for customers. I find the design process satisfying, but it sucks my energy on a daily basis.

If I could do anything I want, it wouldn't be design objects. I'd make records and then package them. Rock and roll sounds more fun. I used to do it "for fun" and it was a blast, so the reality is that it would be really hard if it was my job.

So I'd probably have a drink at Paul's restaurant.

Though my professional design whistle's barely wet (geez, I just graduated), I still miss that fulfillment given to me by creativity for creativity's sake. For my senior thesis project I made a conceptual video installation. It started out as a design project, but the concept led me towards a much more artistic result. In the end it was a success: It provided me with a chance to pour my soul into something more abstract than professional design will allow me to do.

So, to answer the question at hand, I would explore more artistic areas. I'm not interested in blurring the lines between art and design- I feel that my design sensibility already bleeds over into everything now. I want to paint, photograph, draw, write, film, document, collect, compile, share.

But my true love is not design or art. It is music. Music is my default. My balance is playing, writing, recording. It keeps myself in check. I would love to take a couple months off and just write, experiment and record. But for now I do what I have to do: Work.

Bradley, I find your burnout question most interesting of all. My most severe moment of burnout was when I was living in foreign lands writing a master's thesis (which was interesting enough to be considered personal work) and got so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I stalled. Quit completely for a month and went to the little local library in our village, read all the crap novels I could get my hands on: sixteen Agatha Christie books, a half-dozen Elmore Leonards, even two John Grishams (that last bit feels like a dirty secret). But I went back to my work more centered, and wrote a better paper for it.

My point is that what makes up our intake, I think, is an essential part of this. That said, I think your 3-part balance (teaching, freelance, personal) is pretty strong.

Ideal situation: 4 hours a day truly individuality-driven creative labor; 4 hours a day cause-driven work, making the world better; the rest being with wifenkids.
Enabling ideal situation: anyone know the Lotto numbers for next week?

As frustrating as client-based work can be, there is at least one great thing about it....it provides real-world constraints on creativity that can, and should, lead to greater creativity. Sitting in front of a white paper (or screen) with the liberty to produce anything in the world may seem freeing but can actually be its own prison. That's the reason "fine" artists create constraints for themselves, like, I do technicolor portraits; or "Now I'm working on my series of turnips."

That said, if one has the inclination, and financial ability, to move away from the client world, I'd suggest two things, both of which may seem sort of obvious....

1) Keep doing client work but only for clients you really like, and who respect your work and give you great lattitude. I'd like to do this myself....haven't quite pulled it off. Is this what is being said in the next-to-last paragraph?

2) Find a project that's got meaning beyond self-amusement that will change one little corner of the world for the good. Design a liveable community for low-income families. Do an awareness campaign for a wonderful but overlooked cause. Move to Africa and do a great documentary. If one has the luxury to do something more than "make a living", use that time/effort/creativity to create something that has lasting value and will change people's lives, or at least be a catalyst towards that. As much as I love little galleries or boutiques or restaurants, the world has plenty of those. Do something TRULY creative...if you can.

I suppose I'm always viewing the balance of client vs personal work as a pendulum that needs the momentum of the other to operate. Much like Caleb's "ideal situation" when the work day could be spilt into two halves. I've also thought a few hours of hard manual labor would be nice to throw in the mix. Of course, if one could pick and choose client work, this would be ideal.. however for my situation... I just have to grin and bear it and hand my life over to the clients for a while in order to squeeze my personal work in the wee hours of the morning.

To get back to your main question: More money, more time, better clients? I'd become a master scooter mechanic, play music more and travel the world pursuing my own design endeavors all while not having to sacrifice time away from my family.

"Spending warm summer days in-doors..."

-----

I needed really honest reasons for creating personal work in order for me to say goodbye to clients. I don't mean project ideas, I mean heart-felt reasons. Projects are just expressions of reasons to me. Meditating a bit on some obvious questions based on the previous entries may be useful.

What do I love about communicating visually? Do I love anything at all? What is it?Why is making personal work so important to me? Could I go through the process without the guarantee that it would help anyone else but me? Why or why not? Is self-serving work OK? Am I a rock, am I an island? Would I be satisfied with living hand-to-mouth and creating personal work? Why or why not? What was Robert Rauschenberg doing when he invented a solvent-transfer process to remove mechanically printed pictures? Have I used that technique? What else was Edison doing when he finally got a glowing bulb? Do I have bulbs? What is "realness" to me? How important is the validation of other to me? Do I believe in what I do enough to stand alone with it for a while? Why do I need to maximize productivity? Is slow not ok? Is the world ending? Could I just make a few things a year? Why is balance so important to me? Could I be lopsided in my opinions and be a good person? Do I think that personal expression is a luxury? Is joy a luxury? Is beauty a luxury? Is time to explore meaning a luxury? Why or why not? Why do I think personal work has to outlive me? Who taught me to think like I do about work? Do I love the unknown? Shyness is nice, but can shyness (or modesty) stop me from doing all the things in life i'd like to?

-- DRC

I just came back and read this. You know what? We all need some real problems. Middle class, professional pouting is lame.

do you know a good roofer? can't for the life of me find this damn leak in my roof.

No joke. Stop this emotional personal feelings stuff and lets talk about something "real."

As much as I respect my good friend and colleague Mr Hendrix (I have no idea who you are 'elsanto' but your slim comment warrants little respect at the moment), I have to disagree. While there certainly is an aspect of these designers' persistent self-analysis that borders on whining and overdeveloped self-importance - I believe the essence of the issue has to do with purpose and significance. This is something that matters for everyone, everywhere, in any profession and in any walk of life – not simply the middle class design pouters.

It can become too easy to dismiss any critique by simply poo-pooing it as 'not a real problem'. I think problems of the heart and soul are in fact far more crucial to the current state of the world than seemingly important problems of the physical realm. Issues of purpose, significance and meaning have very real ramifications in the physical.

I feel it has become far too easy (and convenient) in our scientific-method-worhsipping culture to only value things that produce measurable results. Delving into the emtional, psychological and spiritual realms of purpose and meaning becomes inevitably unmeasurable, untidy, relativistic and we don't like that.

And I believe you think this too, and you're just a persnickety cuss sometimes. It's why we like you so much.

el santo,

if you want to read about something "real" you should check out the tools and tricks entry… and be sure to share some of your own experiences/knowledge.

best,
b.

I've been following this convo for a few weeks now. Coming from someone who has a job that has nothing to do with what I want to be doing professionally (audio engineering/production), I'm having a hard time understanding your frustrations.

Considering that there are some pretty good local companies represented here, I can think of a dozen designers who would give anything to be in your position(s).

The client-based model is what it is. If you did not operate within it, you would probably be doing something other than design for a job (like data entry or retail, etc).

Your artistic vision/passion is what makes you great at your job. While not always expressed to the fullest degree, clients came to you b/c of it. It's a gift, not a right.

I say these things out of the upmost respect for all of you.

Very well put, Paul. Thank you for your insight.

I agree that placing the deserved value on matters of "purpose and significance" is a challenge we should not shy away from. Considering this takes courage because discussing apparently intangible things makes one vulnerable. I think vulnerability makes for honest art. Honesty communicates because it does away with barriers that separate us from others. It's hard to be honest with yourself and others. It's also hard to quantify.

On a related note...I think it particularly challenging to seek meaning in the act of creating something apart from what may come of it. You know, allowing myself to trust the work and my own instinct, to a certain extent. Does that make any sense?

BTW, I don't think we have to leave clients all together, you know. Just make some other stuff. We are all busy, but we have to make time for this. Otherwise it will keep nagging us like a little kid tugging at our pant leg for attention. That can turn to resentment.